Building resilience after trauma, from children to adults
It’s back-to-school season in one of the strangest years in our memories. We have experienced a kind of collective trauma, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, that leaves many of us looking for hopeful signs of change. For adults, as well as our children, that hope comes in the knowledge that we develop resilience after trauma.
Everyone can tap into resilience
While many people demonstrate remarkable coping and recovery abilities following unimaginable tragedies, such as the 9/11 attacks or devastating wildfires, we all have a latent supply of resilience at our disposal. Sometimes, we just need a little nudge to remember that it’s there.
As this article notes, resilience provides a kind of “ordinary magic” to anyone who accesses it:
“The scope of resilience is wide; it emerges in all shapes and forms following adversity, and is measured by the ability to recover and live a more resilient life after overcoming a crisis.
While this includes life-threatening, traumatic, and often tragic situations such as refugees fleeing a regime or recovering from a freak accident, people can demonstrate resilience even if the adversity is considered to be on a relatively small scale.
Resilience has often been referred to as ‘ordinary magic;’ while it seems like an extraordinary feat, it is more common than once thought — it’s a human trait inhabited by all, but only used by some.”
In response to trauma or tragedy – or even life’s everyday disappointments – you have a choice: Admit defeat and retreat from life, or move forward and become a more resilient individual. Choosing the path of resilience does not deny the pain of your experience, but it does celebrate the hope of your future. Your trauma need not define the remainder of your journey on this earth.
The Seven C’s of Resilience
Pediatrician Kenneth Ginsberg developed “The Seven C’s of Resilience” for his book, “Building Resilience in Children and Teens.” This list can serve as a great parenting tool as you help your children navigate adversity in life. It can also remind adults to tap into our own powers of recovery. The Seven C’s:
Competence. Experience develops a sense of competence in all of us. When we have successfully applied a skill in life, we can stand strong in our knowledge that we can do it again next time.
Confidence. As we practice our competence in various areas of life, our confidence grows and allows us to feel more comfortable with our decision-making and problem-solving abilities.
Connection. Studies show that a strong sense of family and community makes a big difference in the lives of both children and adults.
Character. Development of character allows us to know our values and to hold true to them.
Contribution. A sense of making a difference helps drive both children and adults forward in life and gives them meaning.
Coping. Rather than avoiding challenges, resilient people take measured risks with the peace of mind that they have the ability to cope if things don’t go as planned.
Control. When individuals understand that their decisions and lives are within their own control, rather than in the hands of other people, they feel stronger in their ability to recover from challenges.
During uncertain times, many of us feel tested in several of the above areas. You can flex your resilience muscle by choosing to work on one or more of the Seven C’s in your daily life. For example, if your sense of character feels threatened, reexamine your personal values and choose one action you can take today to reaffirm those values for yourself.
You can also help your children develop their resilience by allowing them to have control of some areas of their lives and by giving them more individual responsibilities. Making every decision for your children might seem like you are protecting them from the harsh realities of life, but they will develop a confidence and character when they have a sense of choice, control and contribution.
Resilience and the Mind-Body Connection
As this writer reminds us:
“Returning to the wisdom of our bodies can become the foundation for the practice of resilience, a practice to help us deal with all of the issues in our lives.”
I love that imagery: the wisdom of our bodies. I would also add the wisdom of our souls and spirits. Our bodies (Including our minds), souls and spirits have tremendous power to cope and to heal. Sometimes that power becomes blocked by external factors, and taking the time to slow down, and work on specific traumas using methods such as Splankna can allow new connections and healing to flow.
The writer cited above walks through a series of healing practices that include mindful breathing, healing touch (even during social distancing or isolation, touching your hand to your heart provides a sense of connection) and movement. These techniques, she says, “train resilience” as you become aware of sensations in your body. You also feel your body’s power and places where old emotions and trauma have become blocked.
In my work with clients, I build on these principles through the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Bilateral Stimulation, which creates healing connections between the two sides of your brain. Coupled with Splankna – a results-driven, Cognitive-Somatic energy method that works to release stored emotion and trauma while tending to body, soul and spirit – these mind-body techniques can help you move from resistant to resilient in your daily life.
Cultivating resilience can become a kind of superpower for both children and adults. The big “What If” questions about the future suddenly become far less scary when we know we have the ability to recover and face what life brings.
Are you ready to move from resistant to resilient after trauma? Contact me to learn more about my work with clients like you. In addition, I offer #HER Circle support groups, a wonderful source of connection between like-minded women focused on rebuilding their resilience after difficult life events.