Holidays can bring added stress for those in trauma recovery
Photo by Tyler Delgado for Unsplash
The holiday season can bring a sense of joy, wonder and love for many, but what happens when reality doesn’t match that Norman Rockwell vision? For individuals in trauma recovery, holidays can represent stress, noise, crowds, conflict and a number of triggers rather than a sense of peace.
If you have survived trauma, in childhood or in adulthood, taking care of yourself should come first – even during the holidays. If you feel a sense of dread or overwhelming emotions leading up to holiday events with family and at work, take a step back and try some of these holiday coping techniques:
Let Go of Shoulds
Unrealistic expectations create one of the biggest sources of stress for all of us, but they can become especially burdensome during trauma recovery.
Expectations and traditions rooted in old family memories can bring up negative associations and trigger people who have experienced childhood trauma. Other criteria for creating a “perfect” holiday might come from society, friends or our own internal critics. Give yourself permission to focus only on the activities and gatherings that actually bring you joy or peace.
Skip the stores and make your own gifts – or forgo gifts entirely, if that helps you eliminate some pressure. Cook spaghetti and meatballs, if the big turkey or ham feast brings up bad memories or feels like too much work. If you enjoy singing hymns at church, but dislike the crowds at big holiday services, seek out quieter events like prayer gatherings or caroling. Maybe you celebrate with friends rather than family or devote your time to volunteer work.
Traditions can change, and making new traditions can help you reclaim the holiday season for yourself. There is no one right way to celebrate or to honor the significance of a holiday. Choose what works best for you.
Have a Plan and Set Boundaries
Understanding your own limits and wishes can help you set healthy boundaries with family and friends. If you want to see people for holidays, but don’t want them to sweep you up into drama or draining activities, have a plan for how you will protect your own space and mental health.
A few examples:
You’re not really up for the annual girlfriend cookie party, but you do want to see a few friends. Schedule coffee dates that allow you to enjoy friend time without the crowd or pressure of a party.
You want to see family at their holiday dinner, but you know you can only handle a few hours of family time. Drive yourself and let everyone know ahead of time that you plan to leave by a certain hour.
That work secret Santa exchange sounds like pure torture. Tell your coworkers you would rather not participate this year. It really is ok to say no.
Before the holiday fervor moves into full swing, spend some time reviewing the situations and obligations that have created stress for you in the past. Decide which invitations you do want to accept and then create a plan for how you can minimize any negative effects. Consider enlisting the help of a friend who can accompany you at events and encourage you to leave if things become too overwhelming.
Take Care of Yourself
In addition to reshaping the holidays in a way that suits you best, make sure to set aside time for restorative activities that help you feel more calm and in control. What works best varies from person to person, but consider activities like:
Exercise
Journaling
Yoga, meditation or prayer
Drawing or painting
Reading or writing
Listening to music
Spending time outside
Cooking or baking (if those activities relax you)
Spending time with pets
Attending live music or art events that are not holiday-related
For individuals recovering from trauma, creating space for quiet time and reflection can help give you a sense of peace and control. Balancing moments of quiet solitude with healthy social interactions can bring some of the joy back to the holiday season.
Seek Support
Understand that you are not alone.
Other trauma survivors also feel overwhelmed by holiday obligations, and support groups can help individuals feel less alone during this time of year. Spending time among other people who understand can give you a sense of belonging and hope.
Rather than isolating yourself and building walls, focus on the relationships that help you feel positive and supported.
In addition, professional help from alternative therapy providers and counselors can give you some practical coping strategies for holidays and beyond.
Trauma recovery is a journey. Honor where you are in your journey and treat yourself with kindness along the way. If you would like to learn more about trauma recovery through energy psychology techniques, contact me. Look for my upcoming #HER Circle support groups in the new year.