Preparing your heart and life for lasting love
Photo by Maksym Kaharlytskyi on Unsplash
Whether you are newly engaged or have been married for years, there are ways you can ensure a happy and healthy relationship with your partner for years to come. If you want to find and create a lasting love bond, you need some fundamental life skills first.
As humans, we were created from love and are made whole and lovable by God. Love rests at the center of our spirits, and we naturally seek it out in our relationships with others. From our first moments in our parents’ arms to childhood best friends to finding the romantic partner who will share our adult journey, love drives so much of our behavior and dreams.
However, while love exists as a natural extension of our beings, it doesn’t always flow easily. Lack of loving expressions from parents in childhood, trauma, conflict or rejection can leave us unsure of how to recognize love and how to share it freely ourselves.
Lasting love begins with self-knowledge
My work with individuals and couples always begins with exercises focused on self-knowledge.
If you lack self-knowledge, you could have barriers and preconceived biases that will continue to impact your relationships if left uncovered.
In addition, many people need to learn to love themselves first. If you move through life believing that you are unworthy of love, you need to take time to heal from that damaging and misguided idea. Self-knowledge gives you a path toward understanding your own past, how it shaped your beliefs and how to reframe those beliefs as you enter into a healthy relationship with yourself and others.
As the witty and wise Lucille Ball once said:
“Love yourself first and everything falls into place. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
Begin by asking yourself questions like:
What are my three best qualities?
What unique gifts do I have to share with others?
What scares me the most?
How have I shown love to my family, friends and romantic partner?
Do I have a strong spiritual practice?
What habits or thoughts might hold me back from achieving my dreams?
Who would I call first if I had great news to share?
Who would support me through a loss?
This list covers only a few aspects of self-knowledge. Working with a life and relationship coach can help you focus on understanding yourself better in order to open yourself to love and deeper life experiences.
Save your marriage before it starts (SYMBIS)
Premarital or pre-engagement coaching can go a long way toward helping new couples establish lasting love habits. As as certified Save Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) coach, I have the pleasure of guiding couples through conversations that lead to mutual understanding and emotional intimacy.
These couples believe in the power of lifetime love. They already have the connection and the motivation to make a marriage work, but need guidance in developing healthy relationship skills that will carry them through good times and tough times.
In coaching, couples address issues like:
Attitudes about and approaches to money
Conflict styles
Communication styles
Innermost dreams and longings
Personality similarities and differences
What love means
Facing questions head-on and early can establish a sense of partnership and collaboration that will serve these couples through many years of marriage.
Lasting love for established couples
Don’t assume that couples who have been married for decades have it all figured out.
Some couples have developed years of bad relationship habits that can stand in the way of true intimacy. Also, life happens to all of us. Job loss, aging parents, death, parenting issues, money trouble and countless other issues can test even the strongest and long-standing marriage.
Through life’s ups and downs, healthy couples need tools and good habits that help them maintain their loving connection. These include:
Shared interests and quality time together
Communication and conflict resolution skills
Self-knowledge that allows each person to share of him or herself freely and that fosters understanding between partners
Coping skills and patience
Placing the marriage and each other high on the priority list
A strong community and support network
Forgiveness and awareness that humans aren’t perfect
Again, this list barely dusts off the surface of what it takes to build and maintain lasting love in your marriage. When partners approach their relationships with an open heart, and when they invite God into the marriage, beautiful things happen.
At any stage of a relationship, you can strengthen your love bond. Reach out to me to learn more about SYMBIS coaching for newly engaged couples and marriage coaching for established couples. I look forward to helping you gain the self-knowledge and skills you need to create lasting love.